Have you ever been in this state of mind in your life where you think that you’re just useless, good at nothing and so discouraged that you start to belittle yourself. My main issue was what am I good at so that the Lord can use me but I found nothing. I am surrounded by people who are so gifted and serve the lord with all their heart that I came to the conclusion that maybe I don’t have any gifts and I should find by myself what I can do to serve God. I started to make up things where I thought God might want me to serve him. To make it short let me describe it as follows.
I had the garden of my life that was barren and I started to sow seeds, will water them everyday and take care that all the conditions for the plant to grow were there. But because of my impatience I will let grass start to grow and let that plant that just started to come out of the ground to die. Then I will clean the garden change the seed and do the same thing over and over again. Sowing seeds but never harvest anything.
I was so angry that I went back to my old bad habits complaining and belittle myself, UNTIL the Lord reveal this to me: All this was only to satisfy that feeling of being useless. It was more about ME than it should be about HIM. WOW how selfish I was. But it was not the only thing that he revealed to me there was something in my life that I’ve always done and thought this was normal: I am someone who is always struggling to know what I want in life and once I do, I will give all I have and do all that I can sounds perfect right?The main problem was that I never finish what I started. I always quit midway. This is not something new but that I’ve been doing since I was a teenager. The worst thing is I don’t even know the reason why I am like that. You know when God point on something you have always neglected it hurts that its difficult for you to accept. But this was the hidden truth about me.
I’ve depend on my own understanding ,strength and tried to control everything but I’ve failed. The most amazing thing that happened was from the moment I was trying to find what I can do and the moment I came to realise those things that were not right in my life, God had already started something great within me and I didn’t knew about it. All that I am posting on this blog today have been on my phone memo for a long time. I’ve started to write the thoughts that came all of a sudden from nowhere that I felt the urge to leave everything that I might be doing grab my phone and write sometimes short ones or longer.It was a flow of words, with no punctuation,mistakes that I was just writting and will never read them again. This was something I’ve started and didn’t quit.
These thoughts that am putting into words are not from Me am not a writer but it is HIM who is my sole inspiration. I am just the vessel that he is using. It took me quite a long time to let the holy spirit convince me not to keep them anymore and to create this blog and share it with everyone. Am sharing the word, the way God asked me to do it. Its all about HIM in my everyday life where nothing is perfect. Am ending this year with a great gift and answers to my questions and prayers. Today am filled with joy not because of the things that I have but only because I’ve surrender to God and obeyed what he asked me.
I really want to encourage you, don’t ever think you are useless to the Lord. Nothing is wasted when you share it with him. He will bring beauty out of ashes of shattered dreams. Never think what God asked you to do is either too small or too big, be obedient, be faithful,be You and serve with the heart of a king.
Despite all that has been done, the best is yet to come.